lover of muffins and one-legged puppies (baka_sensei) wrote in ancientsarchive,
lover of muffins and one-legged puppies

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NEW FIC...Looking for a beta

Yo! I'm de-lurking myself because I actually *gasp* have an idea for an Atlantis!fic that I've started on. However, sadly, I have no contacts with anyone who is familiar with the show who would be interested in beta-ing for me. This makes me sad, as I'd really like someone to bounce ideas off of; someone who will tell me if what I'm writing is complete and utter drivel. (which it very well may be) ^_^;;;

Soooo, the fic. A few things in case you may want to beta for me...

It's McShep (yayz)

It's sort of cracky. (very)

It's AU.

It will probably be long....

And it's based on a Disney movie (I'm lame, I know)

The Jewel and The Regent
Author: baka_sensei
Pairings: McShep
Rating: PG? ish? so far?

Here's the first part of the first chapter to get people interested. Even if you don't want to beta for me, I'd love some feedback:

    Millions of pinprick tiny points of light shone out from behind the vast darkness of the sky. The bright illumination of a full moon swept over the vast dunes of a wasteland. Occasionally, a breath of wind would swirl white grains of sand into the air. Those who dwelled in the city of Athos told tales that thousands of years ago, these wastelands had been covered by a great ocean. It was said that any who ventured into the haunted hills of pure white sand would never return.

    At the top of the most massive of dunes, a dark figure sat mounted on an even darker horse. His pock-marked face twisted into a sardonic grin at the remembered warnings of the elders. Fools, all of them, to shun the one place where the greatest treasures of their Ancestors lay, to instill that fear into their children from the time they were old enough to understand speech. It wasn’t death that lay in these deserted hills; it was the only hope for a future. Or, he amended mentally, in his case, the only hope to shape it to his will.

    Beyond the whistle of the wind, he heard the trod of hooves shifting in the sand. Another horse trailed by a cloud of white trotted up the hill to meet him. He tensed in anticipation, his well-trained mount shifting to paw at the ground as if sensing his master’s excitement. The creak of leather and the clink of metal spurs and bit announced the arrival of the second man.

    "You… are late," the dark man stated, his words biting into the relative silence.

    "A thousand apologies, my lord," the smaller man said.
    "You have it, then?"

    "It was a bit harder to procure than we had originally thought, but I did get it." He reached into one of the saddle bags, rustled around for a moment, and brought out what looked like a tiny, silver puzzle piece. The light glinted off of it and into the dark man’s eyes as he reached out for it. The second man pulled it back before he could grab it. "Wait a moment. You said you had the means to cure my sister. Where is it?"

    Almost before his sentence was finished, there was a sharp, high pitched cry into the night air and the small silver trinket was snatched from his hand by clever talons. The falcon dropped the pilfered item into her master’s outstretched hand before perching on an offered forearm.

    "Patience, my friend," the dark man told him. "You’ll get what’s coming to you." The falcon let out a short shriek as if in agreement.

    Reaching into his cloak, the dark man pulled out the second half of the puzzle. Carefully, he fit the two pieces together to form what looked like an upside down V with a circle placed at the point. Immediately, a buzzing noise filled the air as the puzzle lit up bright blue. It jumped out of it’s owners hair to spin crazily in the air for a moment, then dart off between the dunes. The falcon shrieked and took to the sky.

    "Quickly, follow the trail!" the dark man shouted, spurring his horse into action and trusting his companion to follow.

    The puzzle led them on a winding path through the sand, the horses kicking up dust at a pounding speed in order to keep pace. Finally, the glowing puzzle split into two pieces again a few hundred yards ahead of them, embedding itself in a sandy bank. The ground shuddered and shifted, splitting apart, sand spilling down as fluidly as a great waterfall as a shimmering spire punched it’s jagged way from underneath, rising thousands of feet into the air to be silhouetted by the full moon.

    "Finally," the dark man breathed, nearly awestruck, "The Tower of the Ancients."
    "By the Ancestors," his companion muttered, his eyes wide.

    "There you have it," the dark man snapped, turning to glare at the other. "The cure for your sister no doubt lies inside, along with countless more treasures. Take anything you want, but remember that the artifact we discussed belongs to me."
    "How will I know the cure when I see it?" the second man asked doubtfully.

    "It will be made clear to you, I am sure. The Ancestors will see to that. Just remember to bring me back the Intelligence."

    His face still etched in equal parts of wonder and wariness, the second man dismounted, cautiously walking to the single door etched into the side of the massive tower. As he reached the entrance, there was a flash of white, and suddenly, a woman dressed in white appeared before him. He gave a gasp of surprise.

    "Who disturbs my slumber?" she asked, her eyes searching, prompting his answer.

    "Ladon Radim," he choked out. "My sister is afflicted with the ancient plague. I seek the cure."
The woman’s eyes narrowed even more.

    "Know this," she said. "Only one may enter here. His worth lies within his mind. The Jewel of Atlantis."

    Ladon looked back at the dark man questioningly.
    "What are you waiting for?" the dark man barked. "Go on!"

    Slowly, Ladon took a small step forward.

    "Analyzing," the woman stated as a beam of light swept over Ladon’s body. As the last of the beam faded, the woman’s eyes were consumed in glowing red as bright as ruby.

    "Analysis: unacceptable," she boomed as a high pitched whine filled the air, the vibrations from it causing Ladon to fall to his knees.

    The bright red light shot from her eyes into the kneeling man’s face. With a strangled scream, his skin seemed to glow red from the inside out, his skin blistering apart and vanishing until suddenly, there was nothing left of him but a black crater in the sand. The ground began to rumble again, and as quickly as it had appeared, the Tower of the Ancients sank back into the sand.

    "Seek thee out the Jewel of Atlantis," whispered the woman’s voice over the dunes as the last of the sand settled.

    With a shriek, the falcon dove from the sky, picking up the two pieces of the puzzle that had been left resting on top of the sand and returning them to her master. She landed on his forearm and began snapping her beak in an angry gesture, shifting and clenching her talons. Her sharp eyes narrowed at the crater where Ladon Radim had once stood.

    "Patience, Sora," Acastus Kolya soothed as he stroked the feathers of her brow. "Radim was obviously less than worthy." Sora clucked almost sarcastically. "It seems we have a problem," Kolya continued, letting out a dry chuckle.

"I must find this… Jewel of Atlantis."

Sooooo.... was it crap... not crap? Anyone interested in beta-ing? Plz? :D

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